Saturday, December 29

Today I am in Chicago. I had a bit of a misstep in my half-marathon training. I was scheduled to do 13 miles this morning with my running group and I didn't show. I don't know why I didn't go, except that I had been dreading it since Thursday. I didn't get much sleep on Thursday night and then stayed up too late on Friday - I think I did this somewhat intentionally so that when the alarm went off at 6:30 on Saturday, I could tell myself I don't have to go. It occurred to me today that training for a race like this is really mentally draining....to have to constantly gear yourself up for these long runs, consistently go into the weekends trying to muster a confidence you don't have, convincing yourself that the pace isn't too fast, you'll hydrate and eat enough, that you won't slip and fall on the slick Chicago path. I feel sort of defeated right now. In the past, I never training properly - I would do lots of short runs and a long run or two, and then just count on sheer will to get myself to the finish. Training semi-properly, which for me means doing the long runs every week and a couple of short runs in between, is wearing me down. I don't have the confidence every week to do these long distances, and so when they day comes I am drained and the rationalizing begins. But...I have to keep reminding myself: I have done EVERY SINGLE long run on this training program, including 12 miles two weeks ago.

Sigh.

Looks like I'm doing 13 miles tomorrow. :)