Sunday, December 30

Today I am in Chicago. Well, I didn't do the 13 miles and I decided I'm not going to. So there. I DID do 4 and a half, and it felt awesome with every step. This is why I run - for those days when you go out and just tell yourself you'll run until you feel like stopping. Those are such awesome days, and the good news is that I have way more of those than I do the days that feel like every step weighs a ton.

Tomorrow is the last day of the year. That is a fact.

Saturday, December 29

Today I am in Chicago. I had a bit of a misstep in my half-marathon training. I was scheduled to do 13 miles this morning with my running group and I didn't show. I don't know why I didn't go, except that I had been dreading it since Thursday. I didn't get much sleep on Thursday night and then stayed up too late on Friday - I think I did this somewhat intentionally so that when the alarm went off at 6:30 on Saturday, I could tell myself I don't have to go. It occurred to me today that training for a race like this is really mentally draining....to have to constantly gear yourself up for these long runs, consistently go into the weekends trying to muster a confidence you don't have, convincing yourself that the pace isn't too fast, you'll hydrate and eat enough, that you won't slip and fall on the slick Chicago path. I feel sort of defeated right now. In the past, I never training properly - I would do lots of short runs and a long run or two, and then just count on sheer will to get myself to the finish. Training semi-properly, which for me means doing the long runs every week and a couple of short runs in between, is wearing me down. I don't have the confidence every week to do these long distances, and so when they day comes I am drained and the rationalizing begins. But...I have to keep reminding myself: I have done EVERY SINGLE long run on this training program, including 12 miles two weeks ago.

Sigh.

Looks like I'm doing 13 miles tomorrow. :)

Friday, December 28

Today I am in Chicago on this, the last Friday of 2007. I flew home today from a week in DC (just ahead of most of the crappy weather we've had today). Kitties are asleep next to me on the couch (evidence above), and all is well.

I got a collection notice today for emergency medical services and ambulance transport for you-know-who when he was still living in Colorado. It was probably from the time that he was having delusions about snipers surrounding the house - I'm guessing that his roommate called 911 or something because he had really lost it. It makes me sad to think about how fucked up he really was back then, and also extremely glad that I wasn't around to witness it. I know now that he was (is?) bipolar. Back then his therapist told me that was his diagnosis, but I didn't believe it - to me, bipolar meant spending sprees and frenzied streaks of productivity punctuated by deep depression, and on TV it happened to people with massive capacities for creativity who didn't want medication to spoil their art. I didn't know that mania could also means delusions. In some way it makes me feel better now to know what it was, like there is some closure to it because it has a name. I haven't thought about these things in a long time and it doesn't really mean anything anymore, but seeing that reminder of how out of control he was made me a little sad. Oh, and now someone has to cough up $480.

Friday, December 21

Today I am in Chicago. I have officially finished my project in Atlanta - yee haw! Right now I am sitting in my apartment with the kitty cats at my feet. We're watching "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles," one of the funniest holiday moves of all time. Today has been a great day: I slept until I woke up, did a bit of work, ran some errands, shopped a little, took care of some administrative stuff that I previously hadn't had time to do, and otherwise just hung out on the couch. Tomorrow I am flying to Maryland to spend Christmas at my mom's. I am really looking forward to it this year more than ever, mainly because I feel like I really earned a chance to relax and enjoy time with my family. Nothing feels better like a good amount of time off after you worked really hard to accomplish something.

It's been a weird year. In some ways, I feel like I really grew and figured out more about what I don't want to do - but I can't say I've figured out a whole lot about what I do want to do. One thing that I've talked about for, oh, 37 years, is trying to launch some sort of musical enterprise. I believe there is no better place to do this than Chicago, because there are so many places to see live music. I had this idea last week to start a band that plays songs from the 60s and 70s that aren't that commonly heard....Etta James, Aretha Franklin b-sides, Sam Cooke, etc. We'll see how this progresses....so far I have a good track record of actually doing stuff that I write in this blog and I don't want to ruin it.

Speaking of things that I've talked about in this blog, I ran 12 miles last weekend. Man....that was one of the hardest things I've done in a while. This is in prep for my Cabo Half Marathon on January 19. We are running a 10k tomorrow and then 13 miles on Saturday the 29th - I'm already stressing about that.

Something rather unusual happened to me the other day. A bit of background....lately I keep hearing these stories of people who ditched big, corpo careers to follow their passion. I'm not sure if these stories are finding me or if I'm just more attuned to them, but it feels a bit like someone is trying to tell me something. So on Tuesday morning I'm on a flight to Atlanta, and as we're about to land the woman next to me says, "I could be wrong but there's an energy about you that says you're in pharmaceutical sales." I said, "Well, I am in a type of sales but it's not selling pharmaceuticals." I then told her a bit about my job, and asked her what she does. She said, I swear, "I help people figure out what they are supposed to be doing with their lives and then get in a position to make it happen." Can you believe that??? Turns out she's in business for herself as a "life coach" of sorts, helping people make the transition from a job they hate to one they love. She's doing extremely well for herself and seemed so content and friendly. If that's not a huge neon sign telling me to get my shit together and figure out what I want to do with my life, I don't know what is. Funny thing was, not only was I supposed to be on a flight the night before that I decided to reschedule, but she was supposed to be sitting in the row behind me. Fate is a funny thing. Stay tuned.

Thursday, December 6

Today I am in Atlanta. I am really hoping we're down to our last 10 days here. Here are some things overheard recently in casual work conversation:

"Yes, and if you were right, I'd agree with you."

"It's always good to pretend you're listening to someone."

Pearls, people! Pearls!

Home tomorrow. I am going to a benefit concert for Barack Obama where THE MAN himself will be present. I can't wait!

Ran 10 miles last Saturday. About half way through it started to snow, and for the last 3 miles I was pelted with sleet. I am a winter warrior, indeed. I had a 9 mile run with my brother in law the weekend of Thanksgiving that ranks in my Top 10 Best Runs of All-Time. I also broke my personal 5k record on Thanksgiving Day. Wow - I feel like Wonder Woman right now! Aiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyaaaaaaaaaah!